The Ten Most Needless Nerdy Controversies of 2012

Now that 2012 has staggered to a close, we, along with everybody else on the Internet and in life, can look back on the year’s events with a bit of insight, that insight being: we freak out really easily. Seriously, I know it’s generally not difficult to cause an uproar online, but it feels like this was an especially good year for panic attacks, trolls and shouting matches. That isn’t to say that some things aren’t worth getting upset over, but far too often a situation can spiral out of control when every sentient lifeform with wifi gets to weigh in, and outrage begets more outrage like some horrible plague. There were people that said and did stupid things this year, and some items on this list are only needless because they never should have happened in the first place. But in most cases, it’s a simple matter of people going crazy to go crazy and blowing things hopelessly out of proportion. I’ll warn you now that revisiting some of this might make you angry all over again, and let me say up front that I don’t mean to lecture anyone. I didn’t come here to cause any trouble. I just came to do the Sarcastic/Reflective Nerd Rant Shuffle.

Clearly, we’re all tired, despairing, aimless slugs disappointed that the world didn’t end on December 21st because it means we still have to go to work in 2013: if some videogame designer said something sexist or we discovered a potentially unsettling detail in our favorite TV show, then it lets us take a break from the real problems of our own lives. On that uplifting note, we at Topless Robot present an aperitif, if you will, as we buckle up for the oncoming storm that will be the new year. If nothing else, I can guarantee this article will be one of the few year-end lists you’ll read that won’t mention a certain ubiquitous K-pop song. At all. That’s a promise.

10) The “Cockamamie Coulson Controversy.”

The name comes from our dear friend and former TR editor Rob Bricken, coined to describe an odd change between the US and UK releases of The Avengers Blu-ray. In the UK version, Loki’s staff does not protrude quite so much through Agent Coulson’s chest at a pivotal moment in the film, whereas in the American version it’s definitely sticking out there. Why was this change made? It wasn’t apparent until later, when…well, actually, it’s still not clear, but we know it was to secure a “12” rating, since the scene was not considered appropriate otherwise. Why was that? It’s not like erasing the tip really makes that much of a difference, and it clearly has had no effect on Coulson’s viability for other projects, like the upcoming S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series, news that undoubtedly still has fans the world over masturbating with joy. I suppose calling this controversial is a bit of an overstatement, as there wasn’t exactly any rioting in the streets over it, but it did seem unnecessary and was certainly much ado for no real reason.

9) Before Watchmen.

The outrage around this one’s pretty understandable, actually, being the usual tale of writer makes comic, comic gets prequel without writer’s permission, writer gets screwed and prequel gets produced anyway (for the record, the artist of Watchmen, Dave Gibbons, supports the series). Noah Berlatsky’s great Slate article about the situation nicely explains why the protagonists of Watchmen (who are NOT called “The Watchmen,” mainstream media) were never meant to be treated like most comic book heroes. I wish getting pissed off about this mattered more, because it does seem to be yet another example of modern media clinging to recognizable brands and forcing them into franchises, rather than come up with any challenging ideas (to be fair, I have not read the prequels) . But even Moore has washed his hands of the affair, the way he refuses to see any movies made of his work, so it would seem best to follow suit. If you don’t like Before Watchmen, you’re probably already doing the best thing you can do to show it by not buying any issues. On the bright side, Moore fans had the final volume of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century to calm their wounded hearts, a comic which resulted in its own needless controversy: I’m pretty willing to bet that Before Watchmen does not feature a giant covered in eyeballs and shooting lightning bolts out of his penis.

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