Nine Genre Movies Not to Look Forward to in 2013

We all have movies we’re looking forward in 2013 (tomorrow’s Daily List will elaborate) but don’t let your excitement blind you from the crap you need to avoid. If you head to the theater and discover the film you’ve been anticipating is sold out, do not fall back on any of these.

9. After Earth.

We haven’t heard much from M. Night Shyamalan since the shambling disaster that was 2010’s The Last Airbender, but he’s back with a vengeance with After Earth, a movie about Will Smith welcoming Jaden Smith to a post-apocalyptic Earth after their ship crashes, and then there are monsters. This is not to be confused with Oblivion, the movie where Tom Cruise crashes his iDildo on a post-apocalyptic Earth, and then there are monsters.

Smith (Will) stars as General Cypher Raige, which is the name of an actual character that somehow made it through multiple drafts of a screenplay, pre-production and months of filming and editing without anyone pointing out that it sounds like the name of a supervillain from the pages of a sixth grader’s math-book doodles. Jaden Smith plays Kitai Raige, Cypher’s son. Get it? Because Jaden is Will’s son, and because they often fight sabre-toothed tigers together, it will add a layer of realism to the acting.

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