Fan Fiction Friday: The Lorax in "Shark Week"

Greetings, you poor bastards who choose to delve through the scariest realms of the erotic fan fiction world with me each Friday. Here is the story that I had intended to run last week, before the internet killed it; I was kind of bitter, then, having worked so hard on it, but having finished it today, I think I understand why the internet felt it had to take a stand. This… this is not right. This little tale comes to us from Clockwork Aardvark, who happens to have written 16 different erotic stories about the mustachioed orange groundhog-thing voiced by Danny Devito; this one also just happens to include the Once-ler, voiced in the movie by Ed Helms (imagining the celebrity voices will make it hurt worse, I assure you), who is apparently quite the hottie for a small, infinitely disturbed portion of the nerd population. Let the madness… begin.