Backhanded Box Quotes: "Tolerable With Friends … but So Is Dying of Bowel Cancer." [Best Of Metacritic]

Backhanded Box Quotes: "Tolerable With Friends ... but So Is Dying of Bowel Cancer."Welcome back to “Backhanded Box Quotes,” a collection of measured, thoughtful criticism from the user reviews of Metacritic, Amazon and elsewhere.

Two games this week released to nearly universal acclaim, unless you’re The Wall Street Journal. Borderlands 2 and Torchlight II. But in the great shining ideas marketplace and opinion democracy known as consumer reviews, both games have to answer to a harsher authority.

Borderlands 2

Released: Sept. 18

Critic: neilsmif1980 (Metacritic)
“I was stuck I couldn’t move forward or back just after I got past a really hard part at the beginning of the game. It froze on me! So I restarted it and I had to start nearly back to the beginning?”

“The game itself is just like Borderlands EXCEPT you have a mini map.”

Score: 0.

Critic:Get bodied (Amazon)
“It becomes tolerable if you do it with some friends around, but so is dying of bowel cancer.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen in-game menus as bad as these. It’s like PowerPoint threw up on a Cluedo board and died.”

Score: 1 Star.

Critic: Sock_Factory (Metacritic)

• “Borderlands 2 is a game where you shoot guns at stuff till it dies.”

Score: 0.


Torchlight II

Released: Sept. 20

Critic: disinterested (Metacritic)
“TLDR: Diablo3”

Score: 1.

Critic: Token 40k (Metacritic)
“crappy light gamma.”

Score: 0.


Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku’s Anger Management hour, unless it isn’t.

Originally written and published by Owen Good at Kotaku. Click here to read the original story.
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