A debate among educated men

(Oh god 2 post in one day. I think I may need another hobby. Anyways I found this online awhile back and thought i’d share. I am sure we have all gotten into a debate like this before.)

At Rise

A shabby looking living room. Wide couch, long coffee table in front with game controllers, remotes, and food wrappers on it. Next to it is a table with a laptop. A chair is facing it. Todd and Kevin are sitting on couch. Carl on chair. All are wearing suits and top hats. There is a television in the background.

KEVIN: You’re a mad man Todd! Your theories are unsound.

TODD: Kevin if you had any sense of logic you would see that my theories are the closest thing to truth we have.

CARL: Gentlemen please, there is no use arguing over such a frivolous topic.

(KEVIN and TODD both look to CARL, appalled)

KEVIN: Frivolous? How could you say such a thing?

CARL: There is no evidence to support either of your theories and there is no way to test them either.

TODD: Evidence? Who needs evidence? It’s obvious the Pokemon are creatures made of light particles.

KEVIN: I’ve told you several times! They have babies, eggs, and anatomy. They live in the wild for Pete’s sake!

TODD: And your theory that the entire series is the dream of a comatose child is better?

KEVIN: Not a dream, a simulation.

TODD: (sarcastically) Oh and that makes much more sense, especially since there is no evidence to support it!

CARL: Please gentlemen-

K & T: (interrupting) Hush!

KEVIN: It’s the most logical explanation! The evolutions, the abilities, the sprays that magically heal Pokemon, the fact that mothers allow their ten year old children to wander out into the wilderness alone. All this points to a simulated, controlled area.

TODD: It is only a game in reality. You are a close minded fool.

KEVIN: And you are a child with an overindulgent fantasy.

TODD: The light theory makes perfect sense if you use your brain. It explains the evolutions. The light reconfigures its composition once it gains too much mass.

KEVIN: That argument only applies to my theory! Once the Pokemon becomes too compact with data, a.k.a. experience, it upgrades to a larger file. Thus, evolution.

TODD: Preposterous!

KEVIN: And also, how can they be made of light and be wild?

TODD: Because that is their genus!

KEVIN: How can there be almost five hundred creatures with the same genus and dozens of different types, appearances, and abilities?

TODD: Isn’t it obvious?

KEVIN: (crosses arms) No please explain yourself.

TODD: Arcaeus

KEVIN: What about Arcaeus?

TODD: He is the God Pokemon. So he created all those creatures out of light.

KEVIN: Todd, Arcaeus only created Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina.

TODD: He did not! Those three are from separate dimensions.

KEVIN: Arcaeus put them there.

CARL: I shall check the Pokepedia! (Carl goes on the laptop and starts typing)

KEVIN: So Arcaeus is made of light too?

TODD: No.

KEVIN: Then what created him?

TODD: Good heavens Kevin, that’s like asking what created god. He was always there.

KEVIN: So your theory is that a magic creature created creatures of light and dumped them on Earth?

TODD: (shrugs) I am a Christian.

KEVIN: (throws arms up) Ridiculous! Ridiculous!

CARL: Gentlemen, after much research it seems that Arcaeus did create all the Pokemon.

TODD: (stands on couch) Ah ha! I told you!

KEVIN: That still proves nothing. And if Arcaeus isn’t made of light how can he be healed and also be caught with a pokeball?

TODD: What do you mean?

KEVIN: Pokeballs are used to capture the data, or in your case the light, so Arcaeus must also be made of light.

TODD: No, no, the pokeballs teleport them to holding areas.

KEVIN: Teleporters? Teleporters! How is that even possible? There would never be enough room for all those Pokemon!

TODD: They are held at the lab of the professor of that region.

KEVIN: No, the pokeballs are teleported, not the whole Pokemon.

TODD: And that supports that they are made of light.

KEVIN: Argh, it does not! I’m telling you it is all a computer program, just like Digimon.

TODD: Oh please, Digimon is a completely different subject. And it is directly stated that digimon are a computer program.

KEVIN: They are similar.

TODD: They are completely unrelated.

KEVIN: We are getting nowhere! Obviously you are too stubborn to even recognize any theory other than your own.

TODD: I could say the same for you.

KEVIN: We shall settle this with Carl.

TODD: Indeed.

KEVIN: Carl, what is your opinion on the subject?

CARL: Well, I believe that Pokemon are creatures from space, and the poke balls operate similar to the T.A.R.D.I.S. from Doctor Who, meaning it is bigger on the inside.

(KEVIN and TODD stare at CARL)

KEVIN: Preposterous!

TODD: Carl, how could you possibly believe that a world would have achieved such a technology and would simply use it for the trivial process of capturing Pokemon?

CARL: Trivial? Pokemon are an extremely important commodity to the world. They are used for construction, power generation, medical services, and even simple companionship. They are certainly not trivial.

KEVIN: By that do you mean taking them from the wild and forcing them to work and fight for us? It is cruel and inhumane!

CARL: Oh please, they enjoy it.

KEVIN: Oh of course they do. You twit.

TODD: Excuse me, but I believe we were discussing technology.

KEVIN: Right, the ridiculous PokeTARDIS.

TODD: Kevin you are the last person who should be criticizing technology theories.

KEVIN: My theory is sound!

TODD: It is uninspired and cheap.

KEVIN: It is better than the space theory.

CARL: It is a theory even within the Pokemon universe!

KEVIN: Never proven.

CARL: That does not make the theory invalid.

KEVIN: It is illogical that so many different kinds of species would all come to Earth on a single piece of rock.

CARL: They are all the same species.

KEVIN: That is ridiculous! They all look completely different!

CARL: Humans have different races that look different.

KEVIN: That is not the same.

CARL: But it is similar.

TODD: Gentlemen, can we please just agree that both your ideas are ridiculous and I am right.

KEVIN: Absolutely not!

CARL: You are so pompous. If we agree to any theory it ought to be mine.

TODD: Why Carl, I thought you said the subject was frivolous.

CARL: (embarrassed) A man can change his mind cant he?

KEVIN: He should check it too because you are obviously insane.

CARL: Oh hush you ninny.

KEVIN: Don’t call me a ninny you twit!

(KEVIN and CARL stand to confront each other. Both yell and argue.)

TODD: Gentlemen control yourselves! Has our debate truly been reduced to a pathetic shouting match?

KEVIN: Well isn’t it just like a logical computer boy to try and save the day with reason.

TODD: (standing angrily) Excuse me for trying to keep order!

(The three shout and argue incoherently. Then, a buzzing sound comes from CARL’s watch and they all go silent.)

CARL: My goodness! Doctor Who is starting!

KEVIN: (astonished) Doctor Who!

TODD: Doctor Who!

CARL: Doctor Who!

(CARL turns on the television. Doctor Who is on.)

ALL THREE: Doctor Who!

(The three sit in front of the television.)

Fade to Black