10 Pieces of Videogame Music You Can Totally Have Sex To

Okay: As much as I love videogames and their soundtracks, no one can fault you if there isn’t any of it on your personal Makeout/Sex/AwkwardAfterglow playlist. It’s a matter of taste. Plus, most commercial videogames in the U.S. don’t put sexual arousal high up on their mission statement (the ones that do are usually given the dreaded AO rating and never heard from again). If you want to find some game tunes that will enhance your sex life, you’ll generally need a) an understanding partner and b) enough time to sort through all of the many OST’s out there and find something suitable. I’m just saying that it’s possible. Another key rule of thumb should probably be to stick with post-NES era music. I’m sure there are more vintage chiptune aphrodisiacs galore, but after 1992 it gets a lot easier. But it can be done.
You all are encouraged to experiment with the following pieces yourselves to determine bedroom effectiveness, though be advised that if any of these stir up traumatic memories of endless frustration and game overs you might be better off just throwing on some Massive Attack like a normal person. And no, before anybody asks, I have not personally “tried out” any of these tracks myself to see if they “work”. But you can take heart in knowing that all of these at least passed the Red Shoe Diaries test: if you can imagine a sex scene from Red Shoe Diaries synced up to any of this music while it’s playing, it’s a keeper. That’s exactly what real sex is like, right? (Just kidding. Real sex is a lot more like Forbidden Science).

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