Seven Fantasy Sporting Events I'd Rather Watch than the Superbowl

This weekend, a team of guys from San Francisco will collide, head-to-head, with a team of guys from Baltimore to see which assemblage, collectively, can transport an ovoid object a sufficient number of yards to be declared victorious. Many of you will pretend to enjoy this just so you can be among the first to observe new short-form cinematic creations designed to stimulate the sale of merchandise.

I kid, but there’s nothing wrong with that: Superbowl Sunday is a de facto national holiday driven entirely by commerce, and as such arguably the most American holiday of all. The Ravens were arguably inspired by Edgar Allan Poe too, so there’s that.

But since when has real life been more enjoyable to us than fiction? Sci-fi and fantasy may not breed the biggest sports fans in their universes of fandom, but they do create some of the greatest and most insane fake sports ever. As much as I vaguely manange to get in the game once a year, let’s be honest and say that if, in place of football, the Superbowl celebrated one of the following…wouldn’t we all be way more onboard?

7. The Wacky Races.

NASCAR’s fun and all – frankly, any sport in which the athletes can blatantly shill for Mello Yello and Budweiser on their equipment will always be okay by me – but think of how much better it could be if you added intelligent beavers, cavemen, eternally laughing dogs and half-assed biplanes to the mix. Also, think how much better the Hanna-Barbera cartoon might have been if some of the characters could have potentially died in flaming crashes as a result of their frequent incompetence. Rufus Ruffcut’s buzzsaw wheels could just be a tad more exciting outside of the hand-drawn world.

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